How To Become Good People in Family


Good evening Professors, lecturers and students,
Dear friends!

Today is Wednesday, May 25, 2011. My Dharma name is Venerable Thich Trung Sy and my Dharma brother’s name is Senior Venerable Thích Nguyên Kim. We are from Co Lam temple. Receiving the invitation from Seattle University, and being guided and allowed by the Most Venerable Thich Nguyen An, the Head of Co Lam Temple, we are very happy to come here to present and attend the religious Seminar at this University organized by Professors. This evening, main speakers are Senior Venerable Nguyên Kim, Catholic Priest Thành, man Scout Mr. Sơn, and Venerable Trừng Sỹ.

My topic presented here is “how to become good people in family.”[2]
As you know family is a cell of society, a first educational school of society, a basic and steady foundation of loving education. In family, parents play very important roles of professors in teaching love, peace and happiness. Children that are students learn love, peaceful joy and happiness.
Loving father, loving mother, or loving our children, first of all, we are authentically present in right here and now for our beloved ones. Being present in right here and now is for us to listen and learn what our beloved ones say. He or she says something good we learn to uphold and develop; something non-good we don’t learn and eliminate. Something we would like to mention here means loving speech and deep listening. If father and mother say to love their children, but they do not stay at home, they are not present in here and now, they are always busy doing business, they do not have free time to play with their children, to eat, drink, sleep, take a rest with them, and to look after their children.
Therefore, according to the author, one day and night in twenty four hours of watch, we should save our free time at least two hour, one hour for morning and one hour for evening to take care of our children’s studies, eating, drinking, sleep, rest and life. We guide our children and practice like this, they are easy to become good members in our family, good students at school, and good workers or officials in society.
However, wanting to teach our children well, we who must be exemplary wife or husband live our mindful and awakening life by applying and practicing loving speech and deep listening in our daily life. When wife says something angry, husband has to practice the conduct of listening with his unprejudiced, non-judged and non-opposed mind. Waiting for his wife’s finishing speaking, at that time, husband starts to speak skillfully and flexibly. Conversely, when husband angers, wife also has to practice to listen deeply to what her husband is speaking. Waiting for her husband’s completing speaking, wife begins to confide and share in right and wrong, happy and unhappy things. 
But, over the course of practicing loving speech and deep listening, sometimes speaking out loudly, she responds to her husband with her hard words while he is saying, and vice versa, he also responds to his wife with his unsoft words while she is saying, but both husband and wife know actions of their rough responses are unsoft or lack soft words. At this point, person with practice is different than person without practice. Initially, husband angers and says something unharmonious, his wife tries to listen to what her husband says about 20 percent, gradually 40. 60, 80, and 100%.     
Cultivation is in the process of transforming; transforming non-listening into listening, transforming anger into joy, transforming frustration, suffering into peaceful joy and happiness; happiness for oneself and for one’s relatives and beloved ones in one’s family. We know that loving speech and deep listening are the practicing conducts of gentle Mother Avalokiteśvara.[3] Those who practice the conducts of loving speech and deep listening gather flowers and fruits of authentic peace and happiness for themselves and for the others in right here and right now in the present life.    
One more thing, when speaking something, wife or husband has to speak at the right time, at the right place, and at the right object is that her or his speaking becomes valuable, conversely, it is unvaluable. In family, wife and husband practice like this, they are happy, their family is happy and their children are also happy. We should remember wife’s happiness is mainly husband’s happiness, and vice versa, husband’s unhappiness is mainly wife’s unhappiness and children’s unhappiness. We understand and practice like this, our family is happy, our children and we feel peaceful and joyful.

May all of you be peaceful and happy all the time!
Thank you for your attention!

[1]  This topic presented at Seattle University, roon Banna 102, 901 12th Avenue, Seattle, WA 98122- 1090. Xem
[2]  This topic is only allowed to present about fifteen minutes.
[3]  This Bodhisattva has the capacity to listen to human beings’ cries.

How To Become Good People in Family (Power Point slideshow and pdf ) link

About Ven. Thich Trung Sy

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Đây là trang nhà của Thich Trừng Sỹ Email:, . Thầy Trừng Sỹ sinh tại Nha Trang, Khánh Hòa, Việt Nam. Xuất gia tại Chùa Linh Nghĩa (Cell Phone: 0905989707), Diên Khánh, Khánh Hòa, Việt Nam năm 1987. Đệ tử của Hòa thượng thượng Như hạ Tịnh. Thọ giới Sa di tại bổn Tự năm 1989. Thọ giới lớn tại Chùa Long Sơn, Nha Trang, Khánh Hòa, Việt Nam năm 1993. Tốt nghiệp Trung Cấp Phật học tại Nha Trang, Khánh Hòa - khóa I hạng II (1990-1994). Tốt nghiệp Cử Nhân Phật học tại Học Viện Phật Giáo Việt Nam - HCM city - khóa IV, hạng III (1997-2001). Tốt nghiệp Thạc Sĩ Phật học tại Đại Học Đề-li, Ấn Độ - hạng I (2002-2004). Tốt nghiệp Phó Tiến Sĩ Phật học tại Đại Học Đề-li, Ấn Độ, hạng I (2004-2005). Tốt nghiệp Tiến Sĩ Phật học tại Đại Học Đề-li, Ấn Độ (2006 - 2009). Thầy được mời thuyết giảng tại Đại học Seattle-Washington với các đề tài "Thiền Tập" và "Mối quan hệ giữa Thầy và Trò trong Giáo Dục Phật Giáo năm 2011." Năm 2012-2014, Thầy Sinh hoạt ở Chùa Linh Sơn Austin, Leander, Texas. Hiện nay, Thầy làm Trụ Trì Chùa Pháp Nhãn 136 The Ranch RD. Del Valle, TX 78617, và hoằng Pháp tại Hoa Kỳ.